pause your world to grow your community…

there’s so much negativity in this world, I sometimes pause to drown the noise…

I like silence…it helps me reconnect with myself and with the person I strive to be in this world…stress is a terrible feeling, that overwhelming weight that lingers and lingers and tears your belly apart with waves of nausea…you know it’s there, you fight it and then you eat, well I eat – insert emotional eater alert right here…

the balance in life is, for lack of a better phrase, a balancing act…in my profession we preach to the world about balance and yet I falter from time to time…I faltered recently when I realized that I missed a hair appointment – no laughter please…I see my hair magician every three weeks – because like he says ‘I’m worth it’ and god damn it I am…so how in the name of sweet baby jesus did I miss it…it struck me, balance…you did it again danielle, you’re last in your world…

now being last in your own world kinda doesn’t work for me…cause I think everyone should be first in their own worlds…how do we know though when we are sliding from first to last – for me, it’s my hair appointment – the most important appointment in the world…why, well because I got the bad hair genes from both sides of the family and honey I’m too young to be grey…so that week, I punished myself – I nearly panicked without an appointment, I nearly called and demanded to be ‘fit in’ however I decided to try to be comfortable being uncomfortable in my own skin for a week knowing that my hair was not up to par – yes 1st world problems, but my blog, my story…I won’t talk about my caterpillar eye brows just yet – god forgive me but vanity is real…

why am I writing about my hair, a missed appointment and eye brows that go on for days, well it made me reflect – yes that damned word reflect – on how I have a lack of balance of things that make me feel good…for me feeling good and taking care of myself involves indulgence in self-care and when I don’t indulge in my self-care, I lack the feelings of being prepared to take on the world…I think as I get older, I am realizing I define myself by the work I do, I define myself as a mental health advocate and by god I define myself as a good person with a strong passion for recovery within one’s own self and for independence in one’s own world…

today during a self-indulgence activity, I sat in silence and I fucking loved life…

I mean I really thought about my week and how there were days when I hated the world and then I’d debrief with a colleague and they’d make me laugh and then the world moved forward again…it’s okay to have ups and downs, it’s just a matter of how we allow ourselves to experience those ups and downs – learn from them, we must learn from them…

beyond feeling lucky as fuck in life, I feel privileged lately – not in a weird way but privileged to be part of a community of good people…after years of trying new things, clawing my way into new ventures and simply not being okay with how others didn’t believe in me – I’ve met those that do…that’s the difference in this life, we need to keep striving to find those who will stand side-by-side with you through adventures that yah sometimes seem out of the ordinary, but yet seemingly interesting….

I’ve been involved in a movement lately – well in my mind it’s a movement because it’s nothing short of one of the most magical things I’ve ever been part of…it’s that butterfly in your belly good feeling…it’s that tear rolling down your cheeks emotional journey to great things and it’s not about me – that’s the glory in all this…it’s about a greater good…it’s about connections…it’s about hope…it’s about freedom…it’s about community…and it’s about kindness…

I have many conversations with people on a daily basis and honestly I’m good at it…again my blog, I can compliment myself…lol lol…I was chatting with someone today and as we well-upped with emotion, I said to her – you know the world is full of conversations and it’s up to each of us to hear what we need to hear from these conversations…interpretation is a marvellous thing…I believe if we pay more attention to the messages in the conversations, if we really listened in a mindful manner, we’d get to know each other a hell of a lot better…I had someone say to me once, I question why people are drawn to you – maybe I don’t know you as much as they do…and I thought, yah great question – why are people drawn to others…is the perception that everyone sees each person the same way…does every conversation have the same meaning to every person that hears it…well we know that doesn’t happen…my interpretation is that we see in each other what we make time to see in each other and we take from each other’s conversations what we make time to hear in the conversations – nothing more…

once you have been bullied in life, your spidey senses are always on alert…when one questions the intentions of your interactions with others, your commitment to others, your experiences and your own words – you kinda sit back and think, fuck is it me? well I’m here to scream, no my love it’s not you…bullies target strength…I feel confident writing that…hell, I’ll write it again, bullies target strength…not one human has the right to make another question themselves…not one human is better than another…and not one human has all the answers – and thank god for that…see bullies haven’t learnt to silence their world yet…their communities aren’t complete yet…they work diligently to find where they fit into this world…i believe there’ll come a day when the loudness of their imbalance will slowly lead them to witness life in all its glory beyond their structured chaos…

my words…my life…

why can’t we as humans be thankful for each other, each and every day…well because we all can be assholes and get caught up in our own worlds from time to time…ever use the words – too busy; wow I was swamped; bad week; too much on my plate; it was too late; I didn’t have time – I have and honestly I’ve used them too…but I got to thinking lately – what if that one text, is the last text…what if that one missed call, is the last missed call…what if…what if…now don’t get your undies all caught up – I’m not saying that we all have to be on alert as if we’re all gonna die tomorrow but in this world we live in, not many get to see tomorrow…so it’s time to get our heads out of our asses and answer the text, answer the call…someone once said to me, but what if I have nothing to say…well for fuck – say that, chuckle and hang up…

my point – well my point is to learn to be present in this world and simply be kind…what one defines as an inconvenience – one may define as a link to feeling loved…what one defines as, it’s just a text – one may define as feeling connected…what one defines as boring – one may define as their life…what one may define as useless – one may define as their world…feeling alive in this world involves feeling connected and it involves being part of a community – however you envision it…

just…be first in your world and never falter…

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