‘you be you and i’ll be me’

unless you’ve lived alone (for longer than a minute)…unless you’ve been the only single friend (for longer than a second)…unless you’ve never been the one…unless you’ve never been called mom…unless you’ve never witnessed humility and despair…unless you love the silence…unless you really love who you are, you won’t get me…

sharing was never my strongest skill…ah hell I actually hated sharing until I started writing…I was reminded about societal views of being single a few weeks ago when someone questioned how could I be so busy in life when I don’t have kids…straight faced, eye to eye contact, no malice intent, just a straight forward question to me across a table…I think I may have paused for a split second, no rage inside (which is so weird) and answered…no matter my answer, this person was bewildered…I could see it in her face, no matter the justification I presented, she was mystified by my self-pronounced love for life despite not having children…

sitting at home that night in my silence, I reflected back on this question and had a mean girls moment where I pictured myself flying across the table and fucking drop kicking her in the throat, but I giggled instead…it’s 2017…I remind myself…it’s 2017…

why must we question others’ choices I wonder…I work diligently to break down the hierarchal boundaries that exist in my professional world, I thought my personal world was safe…in the political world we live in, as a woman I applaud loudly as we strive to make a mark in this world…a gathering of women marching strongly for the betterment of a generation to learn harder, speak louder and love healthier…but somehow we’ve learned through life that knocking each other down is okay as long as it’s not face to face or as long as we say I’m sorry or as long as we love each other…

the cut of a tongue…

living life to our fullest potential is really a gift…I look around my own world and there’s so much uncertainty as to who will be here tomorrow…I look around my own world and I think how was I so lucky to get the people I choose to surround me, surround me…why am I the person I am…because I am is basically the answer…no one person shall understand the depth of another nor should they try…experiences shape and mould us…the bad, the good and the ugly – god I think that’s a movie 🙂

the cut of a tongue…the glare of an eye…

I learn everyday that I am literally the carbon copy of my parents…my mother’s sarcasm…my father’s quick wit…my mother’s motherly worry…my father’s everything worry…my mother’s lack of morning pep…my father’s powerful mind and sharp tongue…and both their love, support, work ethic and open mind – well my mother’s open mind and my father’s ability to fight the good fight…ain’t no one stepping over this hogan, he claims…and so I pronounce loudly, ain’t no one stepping over this hogan either pops…

I’m not sure when I realized humanity really needs a swift kick to the crotch…it’s usually on days when I claim, I can’t adult today with a smile on my face – the smile meaning I’m joking, the smile meaning fuck I don’t wanna be an adult today…

it’s funny that when I describe my upbringing to people, I always go to the supper table and rejoice in the fact that my parents made sure we ate together nightly…it was a place that we came together as a family…it was a place where we shared our thoughts about the day and our plans for our tomorrow…not many families do that anymore and I really think it’s a shame…I fret for days gone by sometimes…I fret for that family I could have had sitting around the table with me and I fret for those that have a family and choose not to sit around the table with their kids…technology, busy schedules, extracurricular activities, and work always seems to take precedence these days…making the almighty dollar to have the almighty house, the cars for summer, the cars for winter, the newest brand names and the biggest vacation album… kids of this generation, I’m not sure what they’ll remember about supper times…

the cut of a tongue…the glare of an eye…the subtle rise of the eyebrows…

my new quest in life is to live in the moment…be honest despite the hurt that comes with it…drink the Kool-Aid of those who love Kool-Aid…align with those who choose to align with me…and to rid my inner world of those who live in a negative energy field….i went to a gathering of colleagues a while ago and the discussion was around energy and how our sensory systems continue to develop as we grow and how our energy systems need nourishing to flourish…energy systems – danielle of 2006 would have punched danielle of 2017 in the throat for this new belief….even my 2004 self isn’t over my passion of horses yet…and here I am bringing in energy fields to my repertoire…

I never realized how much I loved learning up until a few years ago…I blame my parents for my desire to be knowledgeable, to be innovative, to be a leader, to be heard…I blame society for wanting to break me down…what’s the saying, 2steps ahead and 4steps back…every now and then when the world is cruising, I lose track of my negative experiences and I soar…and then…

the cut of a tongue…the glare of an eye…the subtle rise of the eyebrows…

my words of my practice ring in my head…you can’t control how others react to you, you can only control how you react to others…and then I raise my eyebrows and think shut the fuck up danielle…and then I breath…and then I laugh…although I sometimes cry…funny story, I was sitting in my car one day crying and I’m an ugly crier…a lady knocked on my window and I nearly had a heart attack…but the lady knocked on my window and I rolled the window down…are you okay sweetheart, she asked…oh my goodness yes, I responded as I wiped a tear away from my smudged glasses…it was a hospital parking lot and she definitely thought I had just found out the worst news ever but I responded ‘hard day at work’, she smiled and softly said, ‘every day won’t be our best sweetheart but remember it’s the experiences in our lives that makes us better with each passing day’…I smiled…she walked away slowly, got in her car and drove away…

the passion of a stranger…

if your work doesn’t define you, you won’t get me…if your desire to make a difference in this world isn’t a priority, you won’t get me…if you’ve never been obsessed with your dog, you won’t get me…if you’ve never been called a name that hurt your insides, you won’t get me…if you’ve never been told, you gotta lose weight, you won’t get me…if you’ve ever been told, maybe you’re doing too much in the middle of a break down, you won’t get me…

it’s out of love they say…it’s out of concern they say…it’s out of their mouths before the sting is visible…

I can’t say sharing isn’t my strongest skill anymore…for those that really know me and have seen me in action, I actually share everyday and I’m pretty darn good at it…sharing equals vulnerability and it’s the cut of a tongue, the glare of an eye and the subtle rise of the eyebrows that can paralyze that love of sharing…I share to guide, to coach, to enable, to facilitate and to problem solve…I share with those that listen, that respect and that are invested in me as a professional and as an individual…

too many times in life we have to explain who we are, why we are like we are and be asked to be different because our mannerisms are uncomfortable to others…too many times our vulnerability is let loose only to be trapped in a web we can not escape…too many times honesty reshapes barriers where barriers were built long before…a friend of mine the other day said the cool kids now say ‘you be you and I’ll be me’ – we chuckled and giggled…and then I thought…I love that…i’ll be me and you be you…it fits so nicely where I am as a 46year old independent woman, bombarded with life at times, blasted for her inability to let go at times and wanting to be loved for just being her…

no matter who you define yourself as, don’t falter…surround yourself with those that build you up despite your downfalls…be a mystery to those who question what makes you tick…if they haven’t figured it out yet, they won’t…the map to your life is unfinished, keep chasing the vision in your head and folly on…those who walk with you are keepers, those who walk ahead of you never had your best interest at heart and those that walk behind you never really tried to keep your beat…

smile without thought…cry with dignity…mourn with hope…be angry when needed…giggle your ass off at least once a day…feelings are healthy as long as we don’t live in them…be the best person you can be moment to moment…at times, you’ll suck #sorrynotsorry but at times, you’ll soar…

in my life experiences I’ve come to realize that although we can’t love everyone, no one person is a better human than you are…put your own self on a pedestal and never jump off…that’s self-worth – it’s a priceless essential…let no man, woman or beast take it away…

the cut of a tongue…the glare of an eye…the subtle rise of the eyebrows…

life…46years of it and counting – ‘you be you and I’ll be me’

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the best day in my life was the worst day in theirs…

today larry is 11 and my love and thankfulness lives on…

Nanette Danielle

I’ve always known that I’m addicted to my phone…but I actually laughed at myself a little while ago and thought jesus, this is an obsession…I was in the bathroom at the airport, waiting to board my flight…I was in a line up of anxious travellers trying to empty their bladders before heading to other parts of the world…I think the thought of using a airplane bathroom haunts a lot of us…as I was waiting for my turn, I felt my bag vibrate and I immediately reached in and pulled out the phone…sure enough, yup it was ringing – it was my sister…

so here’s where joey turns crae crae…my first thought was weird, why is she calling, we were just texting…my second thought was obvi something is wrong…but before the third thought came to my head, I was saying ‘hey sis’…her bubbly voice answers ‘hey just wanted to say have…

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