“hey, hey you, you’re a c*nt”…

find your voice, I say…use your voice, I preach…stop mumbling, speak louder, I demand…

there is not a day that goes by that I don’t talk to my clients about utilizing their god given voice…how do we become that person who’s afraid to speak up, afraid to disagree, afraid to compliment and afraid to be heard…sometimes when I’m speaking, I feel like a broken record and I get so caught up in the stories…there’s always a story – whether it’s illness, injury, insecurities or inability – there’s a story attached…

I think I have a pretty good voice but as good as I think my voice is, it too was silenced in my life on two occasions…once by an absolute a-hole who I let silence me…it was a classic abuse situation looking back…classic verbal and emotional abuse that led to me just giving in…I got to the point that I hit the why bother moment, that moment that I hear so often on a day to day basis…the second time was by two absolute a-holes…two evil, conniving, jealous ridden c*nts…classic harassment and bullying…this time I got to the point that I didn’t hit the why bother moment, rather I hit the oh, no you didn’t button…did I let it go on for longer than I should, hell’s yah…did I let it fester, hell’s yah…did I let it dampen my voice, hell’s fucking no…it was my voice that made me stronger…it was my voice that got me back…

we meet many people in our lives and we form many different relationships…each of those relationships serve us for different purposes…as we get older, we can identify what we get out of each one and we strive to maintain that connection…it’s the connections in this world that keep us ticking…keep us interested…keep us engaged…

why do some people dampen our spirits…why do some people strive to make us miserable…do they, though…are some people so miserable in their own lives that they project their misery onto others…I often think this…how can a person be so negative all the time…how can a person want to challenge and want to argue all the time…how can a person be so closed minded that not one thing you say resonates within them…the mysteries of life…

I’ve never been drawn to those individuals but they’re sneaky, they get in…we all have them in our circles whether it’s personal or professional circles…how to deal with them…christ, I wanna throat punch them but I consider myself too pretty for jail…instead, I smile, nod, politely say see ya and move on…

sometimes I imagine myself using my inner voice and verbalizing what’s in my head…like why can’t I look at someone and say “shut the fuck up” or “are you fucking kidding me, you’re an idiot” or “you did fucking what” or “god you’re such a god damn ass” or simply “hey, hey you, you’re a c*nt”…but I don’t cause my parents raised me better…

I don’t think people are born idiots, or a-holes or c*nts…in my wise old age, I’m starting to think that these people are actually lacking something in their lives, lacking a sense of self maybe, lacking a sense of security within themselves maybe, suffering silently with loneliness, isolation or c*untism…i think what’s gotten me over a lot of things in the last few years is that I don’t think people’s reactions or behaviors towards me has anything to do with me…that goes for you too, we can’t be the cause of someone’s unhappiness…we can’t be the only reason someone bullies, acts like a complete dirtneck or doucebag…hell we can’t be that important in their lives, are we…

I think as a society we are learning that saying no is okay…saying hell’s no is my preference…well really saying fuck you is my first preference but professionally I can not…instead I take the high road…the high road that includes taking the proper avenues to deal with the improper behaviors of others…no one should feel degraded, belittled, bullied, demeaned, tainted, tormented, harassed, tantalized, or isolated…

find your voice…use your voice…stop mumbling…speak louder…our voice – powerful, strengthening, empowering, embracing, loving and all encompassing – your voice…

I’ve learned and I’m practicing being true to myself…I’m not a forgive and forget type of person, even though I know it’s the highest road, I’m not going to lie here…I’m a grudge holder and it has caused me great stress in my life…I recently allowed myself to let go of a few things that have been weighing me down – baby steps that have made a significant change in my life…a little tuning of the attitude…a little tuning of the grudges and I’m a semi new person…I’m literally never going to get rid of all my grudges – it’d be a great post and such a positive spin if I could….but again, baby steps and it’s a blog not a confessional booth with a priest sitting across from me…if I said I have learned to forgive and forget, time heals everything – I’d be over in the corner on my knees saying 10 Hail Mary’s and 5 Our Fathers – for lies lead to penance….

moral of my story tonight is that we were all born with clean slates…how we live our lives is a product of many things – with that said though I believe that no matter what life has dealt us, we all make choices…some of us were guided by great mentors and some of us have clawed their way through…your voice is a product of you…use it wisely – it’s a very strong companion, it has the strength to build and the strength to crush…

our voice – powerful, strengthening, empowering, embracing, loving and all encompassing – your voice…

9793_10152868857000694_269946609_n

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s