it’s too bad we don’t get to hear our own eulogies…

leaving your legacy…

what will my legacy be…I read an article the other day about this exact thing and I pondered…the title hooked me…then it got into financial legacies and I turned into that child with sugar rush – I bailed, running away with my arms wavering in the air…but after my ‘don’t make eye contact with an article that’s talking about finances’ sugar rush left me, I was left with the question – what will be my legacy…

the world is huge…wow that’s an astonishing 4 word phrase isn’t it…but honestly the world is huge…I’ve been struck with heart break, sorrow, faith and love this past week…all wrapped up into one lil person…my heart has ached in the past…but this week it feels ill…it feels broken…and I’ve been enlightened by this feeling…this idea that a feeling can take control of you physiologically, emotionally, mentally and physically…a feeling…wow, a feeling…what’s fascinated me is that others too are going through the exact same thing and the way that they have faced it, is ultimately enlightening…

my world is pretty big…I have family and friends spread across it…I take pride in the relationships I have made in this world…I’ve had the privilege to be part of so many lives that I really take for granted sometimes my experiences as if everyone has had them…I’ve walked on many beaches, strolled many streets, watched many sunrises, dipped my toes in many pools, shopped through the most prestige and the most downtrodden stores, had many meals in fine restaurants and from many dirt neck trucks…I’ve travelled by plane, train, automobile and fine luxury ships…i’ve had the opportunity to travel with my family and with my dear friends…all in all I’ve been blessed…

i’d like to think I haven’t taken my life for granted…but then again, I’m human, I definitely have…when one is faced with tragedy there comes a time when the huge world seems to stop…but it doesn’t…it goes on and on and on… in the midst of loss, there is growth…in the midst of sorrow, there is joy…in the midst of pain, there is opportunity…but in it, one feels nothing…

a legacy…

I was chatting with my mom the other night and I haphazardly said “it’s too bad we don’t get to hear our own eulogies”…now this reads dark…but give me a sec…when my world stops, when your world stops – people will grieve…the numbers, the who, the when, the how doesn’t matter…what matters is what will be your legacy…I can tell you what mine won’t be – finances…I’m laughing as I’m writing this cause I know that…my world is as big as it is because of the opportunity that my finances present for me…you will never read – danielle left such and such to such and such…my parents taught me to save but they also taught me to enjoy…but in all seriousness, what will people say…the thought – it intrigues me…

it shouldn’t take a death to talk about a person…it shouldn’t take a death to remember a person…it shouldn’t take a death to celebrate a person…it shouldn’t take a death to get together with a person…it shouldn’t take a death to have a meal with someone…and it shouldn’t take a death to have faith…it shouldn’t – it just shouldn’t…

a wise man said recently after suffering a tragic event in his life and I quote “do good, love better”….4 simple words that have been resonating in my muddled mind…do good…love better…I want to scream this to the world…but when you break it down, it’s really what we should all be doing without having to try…why do we often get caught up in the goings on in the world and turn a blind eye to what’s going on in our homes…why do we eat, breathe and sleep social media and not eat, breathe and sleep our families…times have changed since families would sit to the supper table together and chat about the happenings of the day…the monotony of the conversations now seem to bore the generation of today…why do we live through texting and not take a moment to answer a phone call…

I feel like I’m living a life of a vagabond – running from my bed to the shower…running from the shower to the kitchen…running from the kitchen to my car…running from my car to my work…running from work to my car…running from my car to my bed…I live a life on the run…I never slow down…but nor does the world…I watch my mom in the kitchen sometimes, slowly looking up recipes…gathering the ingredients and preparing a home cooked meal for my dad…my parents continue to eat together at the kitchen table – the same one we as a family sat around growing up…the television is muted and they talk…they literally talk…well my dad tells stories of his day and my mom listens…every now and then she’ll smirk or giggle at something my father has said, but she listens to every word that man speaks – or yells, depending on the story…I sometimes watch my mother and father through the kitchen window – they don’t know I’m there but they’re there sitting in the usual spots…I giggle as dad watches the news and repeats the stories verbatim to my mother as she knits or reads…sometimes they are both reading and sometimes they’ll peer above the binding of the book to see if the other is still awake…

I can easily watch my folks daily…often lately not leaving their home till late at night, sometimes my father jokes at how often I’m there – but I’m soaking them in…sometimes we don’t soak in the people we have in our lives often enough…that’s one thing I’ve learned this year…I am no one without my family…there’s a whole bunch of sayings that I’ve read through the years about how we don’t get to choose our families, we’re stuck with who we got…well I feel fortunate – if I were given the chance to choose a family, I would choose mine, hands down…through this 2014 year, the year I’ve nicknamed “the fucked up year”, I’ve grown tremendously…reflecting on the losses I’ve been faced with, the sorrow I’ve felt and the pain that demanded attention, I’ve gained a greater perspective of my potential for growth, joy and opportunity…

I’m a sponge – is that my legacy…

I love learning…I’m addicted to reading to further myself professionally…I’ve never taken the time to read to further myself personally – until recently…my sister gave me a book that I’m slowly getting through…now I’m not a slow reader but I’m finding myself rereading excerpts every time I pick the book up…I’m seeing myself in the characters and I’m living the life that the author is writing about…a self help book it is not…more of a self awareness read – but that’s my non-writer’s assumption…why do we see ourselves in others and not see ourselves in ourselves…why does it take me to read a story about someone eating their feelings to realize that I’m eating mine…it’s so weird this concept of self awareness and sometimes the lack thereof…

my sister and I were catching up the other night and we were talking about life, death and the happenings in between…in the world of social media we tend to think we know people inside out…and what we take from social media is that people are only sharing the good – not the good, the bad and the ugly…we get a glimpse of the surface of a person and not the whole person…recently, I’ve encountered an experience that gave me a glimpse of a person who had some layers peeled away from his surface…in the light of tragedy, one is sometimes thrown into the universe to deal with the unexplainable…it is within this experience that a person either withers away and becomes obsolete or a person has their outer most layers peeled away as if they’ve used an abrasive on their person…as the layers unravel, the inner most person surfaces…it is within this layer that we get to know a person…the true makings of a person…through tragedy comes the opportunity to either let the experience destroy yourself and live a cheated life or let the experience make you stronger and enable yourself to grow – it’s your choice…

legacies…the notion is scary because to me it means a lasting thought…the way I live my life is a direct result of my upbringing – the love, the joy, the pride, the enjoyment, the pure pleasure that I get from my family is enough to carry me through whatever life has to offer me…living in the present is enabling me to enjoy those exact things…we all know there’s no guarantee that tomorrow will come – if tonight was the last night that you could have an impact on someone, what would that look like…

if tomorrow never came, my world as I know it would stop but knowing that my legacy will live on is enough for me to try to live my life to the fullest today, leaving tiny footsteps on other’s hearts, unravelling my layers so the world sees my whole person and not just my surface  – “doing good, loving better”…

my legacy is me…what’s yours…

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