we see what we want to see…

I watched a man today walking on a busy street…he held a cane…a white cane…what I noticed was a big smile on his face…

I saw a man today pushing himself in a wheelchair on a busy street…a child sat on his lap and a child walked alongside him…what I saw was a little family…

I saw a woman walking a dog today…the dog had 3 legs and was limping…what I noticed was a wagging tail…

I heard a song today…it was coming from an open window of a car…the people in the car were yelling at each other…what I heard was the sweet tune coming from the car speakers…

I saw a man today pushing a cart full of recyclables and carrying another 4bags of recyclables on his shoulders…he was sweating in the sun…what I was witnessing was sheer determination and hard work…

I’m a people watcher…I love observing and analyzing and trying to figure out people’s stories…I think it comes from my education, my work, and overall my curiosity…I’ve been accused of making too much eye contact in my life…it’s a funny story amongst my friends and family…if you wanna make a friend, just follow me…I seem to attract conversation…

I love making eye contact…I love embracing the thought of making someone smile or simply react…I love embracing the thought of making eye contact with a person who struggles with eye contact…its so personal and private engaging someone’s eyes…a person’s ability or inability to engage in eye contact tells a lot about a person…when you think about it, it’s really the beginning of any interaction, any relationship…our eyes house our emotions, our visions, our thoughts and our deepest secrets…

watching, observing, analyzing, peering, and seizing the moment for me all include using my eyes to see, sometimes my eyes see things I can’t fathom is happening…sometimes my eyes see things that I can’t verbally put into words…sometimes my eyes see things in a way that others do not…

do my eyes trick me…do your eyes trick you…

how does one see through the horror of abuse, the torture of violence, the terror of isolation, the plight of justice, the agony of suffering and the anguish of loss…how does one view the past, see the present and have a vision for the future without opening their eyes…

I joke at times and say that without my contacts, I’d see nothing…really…I wonder…I see so much in the run of a day…I try to share what I see, what I do, what I observe with friends and family but I feel sometimes I don’t know how to describe what my eyes witness…there is cruelty in this world, in many forms…I might live in la la land but I work in reality land…

I was driving today, reflecting on my morning, and a tear streamed down my cheek…something I’ve been witnessing just struck me as abnormal…unjustifiable…outside my comfort zone…and simply in the words my parents taught me, just wrong…I might make a lot of eye contact but sometimes I don’t spend enough time focusing…I’ve missed something in this situation…I’ve missed the opportunity to hone in on a moment in time…

I love my pvr cause I can fast forward and I can rewind…my tv watching has become so much more efficient with these options…how can I get a fast forward and a rewind button for my life…can you imagine if we could fast forward over the crappy parts of life and rewind to the good parts…hummmm great concept but hell’s no…as hard as crappy times are, I think I grow as a person each day that I exist…whether I’m using my smile muscles or my frown muscles…an experience is an experience…

so, getting back to the tear on cheek part…as I felt that wetness falling on my cheek I thought ‘are you fucking kidding me hormones, stop the emotion madness’…no really I felt weak…so stupid…I’m tearing up because something is extracting a raw emotion in my body…I blame it on my hormones, my pms’ing, my tiredness…but really it’s my eyes, its my willingness and openness to feel, simply feel…

lately, I’ve been experiencing, eyes wide open, mind sharp, senses heightened and body on guard…how could I have missed something…misinterpretation maybe…disbelief maybe…unwillingness to focus, probably…

why are we afraid to focus sometimes…we look passed things…I’ve seen you, you turn a cheek to certain situations…you pretend the bad stuff doesn’t happen…that stuff we see in the news happens in other people’s neighborhoods, in other provinces…that stuff we hear about happens in other people’s workplaces, in other people’s circle of friends…not mine…not here…

we see what we want to see…

you’re missing stuff…

I see you, engage with people…make eye contact…don’t look away…but also don’t look and not focus…

I’m learning today…I’m focusing on that tear on my cheek…I let it fall, I didn’t wipe it away…I wanted to feel the intensity of the wetness on my face…I’ve gone so long without feeling, wiping away emotion…its time to take out my magnifying glass and reteach myself what focusing feels like…focusing is allowing me to feel and my life lesson this year is that feeling is good…today i remove my mask…

I watched a man today walking on a busy street…he held a cane…a white cane…what I noticed was a big smile on his face…what would you have noticed…

I saw a man today pushing himself in a wheelchair on a busy street…a child sat on his lap and a child walked alongside him…what I saw was a little family…what would you have seen…

I saw a woman walking a dog today…the dog had 3 legs and was limping…what I noticed was a wagging tail…what would you have noticed…

I heard a song today…it was coming from an open window of a car…the people in the car were yelling at each other…what I heard was the sweet tune coming from the car speakers…what would you have heard…

I saw a man today pushing a cart full of recyclables and carrying another 4bags of recyclables on his shoulders…he was sweating in the sun…what I was witnessing was sheer determination and hard work…what would you have witnessed…

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4 thoughts on “we see what we want to see…

  1. People will always be vulnerable. It does not make them weak. Protecting yourself from further hurt, the mask you’d donned was oh so clever, or so you’d thought, and only now do you realize you’d traded your ability to feel in the bargain. I’ll wager the sun felt the warmest it ever has on your beautiful bare face today.

    Liked by 1 person

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