do you feel attractive…

I bet the first thing that came to your mind was your physical appearance…your body type, your pant size, your boob size, your skin type and the list goes on…

are you the person who glances in a mirror as you pass, or are you the person who shy’s away from the mirror as you pass…how do we see ourselves…how do others see us…and which one is more important to us…I’d be lying if I said what others think about me doesn’t affect me…you’d be lying if you said what others think about you doesn’t affect you…

why when we get ready, look in the mirror, think damn girl you look good, quickly change when we go out to the world and someone gives you a once over…

why do what others think about us, change our opinion of ourselves…

why do we care so much…a quick look through my social media feed and I can probably guess why…‘are you sexy or adorable’, ‘you are what you eat’, ‘ten ways to get the body you want to get the guy you want’ and the list goes on…a quick look at the magazine covers in the grocery store line up and I can probably guess why…pages upon pages of photo shopped pictures of celebrities…pages upon pages of articles that can teach us how to make our man ache for more of us; articles with ten ways to get the bikini body before summer; articles with lessons of how to touch our man in all the right places…a quick look at our television guide and I could probably guess why…reality shows bombard us – the bachelor, the bachelorette, dating naked, bachelor paradise, extreme weight loss, biggest loser…oh my, the list goes on…

I have to be honest, i’m glad I don’t have kids these days…our world has created such a false perception of the perfect body, the perfect relationship and the perfect life…it takes strong parents to teach children the rights and wrongs of this world…it takes a strong parent to teach their son to treat women with respect and it takes a strong parent to teach their daughter that they can be whoever they want to be…despite – despite the misperceptions of this world…

do you feel attractive…

think of the difference you feel when someone looks at you and says “you look great today, your skin is glowing” in comparison to “you look so tired today, you have black circles under your eyes” – big difference…when someone tells me my skin is glowing, that’s all I see in the mirror, it’s all I think people are staring at all day long and I feel great…when someone tells me I look tired with black circles under my eyes, that’s all I see in the mirror, it’s all I think people are staring at all day long and I feel like crap…

our attractiveness is somehow measured by others perceptions…and we are consumed with how others view us…why isn’t how we view ourselves enough…

I believe feeling attractive starts at a young age…the impressionable years…as a pre teen, I had bad acne…I don’t remember a lot about it, but I remember seeing a dermatologist, I remember his office – but I don’t remember what he said in that office…I think I had a cream to put on my face but that’s about it…what I do remember about having acne is walking into my younger sibling’s class and hearing ‘pizza face’…I heard it daily…I think I’ve always had self confidence and self esteem as a result of my upbringing – the levels of course fluctuated throughout the years but the ground work was laid by my parents…it’s just a shame that the years of instilling in me a sense of self worth and telling me I was beautiful could be taken away with two little words like ‘pizza face’…I heard it daily, it killed me…my friends never addressed me in this way, I had great friends and thank god for that…but for the select few younger punk asses who would torture me with those two words, the hurt grew and they tried to break me…but I never showed how it affected me, until I got home – I remember days hiding in the bathroom at home and just crying…crying my heart out because of my ‘pizza face’…damn puberty…damn perceptions…

despite the tears and the pimples, I never let the hurt affect me from feeling overall attractive…see attractive to me isn’t defined by glowing skin, well defined abs, sparkling white teeth, and a figure that is magazine worthy…attractiveness to me is the whole package…it’s not pretty or ugly or mediocre…it’s something I’m drawn to because of who the person is…who they represent and how they hold themselves and how they treat themselves and others…I read a quote the other day “I’ve reached a point in my life where I find it’s no longer necessary to try to impress anyone. If they like me the way I am, that’s good. If they don’t, it’s their loss”…I wish I read that as a pre-teen…

I can’t remember ever looking in the mirror and thinking ‘you’re ugly’…until someone called me ‘pizza face’ or I heard ‘wow, she must be the ugly friend – the distraction’…I can’t remember ever looking in the mirror and thinking you’re fat…until I heard the love of my life say ‘I’ll never marry you cause I don’t want a fat wife’…I can’t remember ever looking in the mirror and thinking ‘you’re less of a person because of what I don’t have’…until someone said to me ‘wow, you better hurry up and find someone if you don’t want to be alone all your life’…

the funny thing I’ve learned these past few years, is that I’ll never be alone if I believe in myself…and I truly believe in myself…I’m not afraid of my appearance, my aging body and face – I love all of it…but why doesn’t society…my mirror is a perfect mirror – it’s never lied to me…on days I feel crappy, my mirror reflects that and on days I feel great, my mirror reflects that…it never projects a distorted image of the real me…and I embrace that…

do you feel attractive…

I read the other day that ‘people see their own faces as being more physically attractive than they actually are’…I stared at this for a bit…I pondered about what it was stating and it stirred emotion in me…emotion that taunted me…to me, I question who defines what physically attractive means…to me, I think how do we measure that…how do we measure how attractive we are…on a scale of 1-10, 1 being below average and 10 being above average, where do you think you are…I’d put myself at a 5, a perfect average…so does that mean that in reality others see me between a 1 and a 4 – below average…whether people would rate me as a 1 or a 10, it doesn’t matter…or let me rephrase, it shouldn’t matter – what we rate ourselves at is what matters…

I had a guy one time on line state – if you’re fat, choose fat not average…well doucebag what’s fat to you obviously is average to me…but let’s play this semantics game – he deleted me…I had a guy one time say to me ‘you look gross’ – I should have kicked him in the balls, but that’s another story – he broke up with me…I’ve never been set up on a date by my friends, like never – but they spent their time talking about how this one would match this guy and how this girl would be a perfect match for this guy…my name never got brought up…attractive? – not by definition in these stories, but in my mind, yup…I’m strong, I’m stronger than I imagined I ever had to be…when someone judges you for what you look like, it’s honestly not about you…never think it is…judgment of others is about someone lacking something in their lives and it’s not up to you as an individual to help them fulfill that gap with ugliness…

attractiveness comes from within…a perfect smile, a perfect silhouette, perfect abs and a perfect butt won’t get you far in life without a personality, values, morals and a voice…why do we strive to find the perfect make up to cover imperfections, get laser treatment to take away our wrinkles, wear whitening strips to brighten our smiles…is it to impress others, to make ourselves more presentable or to stop the aging process…think about that the next time you’re going for a fake and bake…think about that the next time you go under the knife…just think about it…do it if it’s for you, but don’t do it for anyone else…

do you feel attractive…

I honestly do…I have the confidence that my person is a good person…am I perfect, hells to the no…is anyone perfect, fuck no…if you think they are – check yourself…i use scaling questions all the time in my work and they are so useful in determining where people’s thoughts are in terms of their life, aspirations, relationships and dreams…but they are also useful in helping determine how people feel about themselves…if a person isn’t able to see the strength and beauty and imperfections in themselves, there is no moving forward…if a person isn’t able to embrace themselves for who they are, there is no chance that others will embrace them for the right reasons…

do you feel attractive…

there does exist other people that will try to bring you down – at all times in your life…those gross puberty years and the pizza face feelings tend to resurface every once in a while…I sometimes walk into a room and get a sense that I was the topic of convo prior to my entrance…I sometimes meet a new person and I sense they believe they are better than me…I sometimes walk into a room with new people and I sense the feeling of overall judgment based on my physical presentation…does it impact me, I’d be lying if I said no…those feelings do impact me, but they don’t distort my being…what they do distort is their own attractiveness to me…

I have learned in my 43 years of life, that there are some pretty ugly people out there and they are living in beautiful bodies…the physicality of people does not define a person…I’d take personality over a 6pack any day…what I think we as a society fail at is that we put people on pedestals based solely on their looks…if we only focused as much time on people’s brains…as we get older we learn that it becomes more and more about the person we have become and not on what we look like in our birthday suits and what our material possessions are…

I think most people view me as strong headed and boy do i hold grudges…eeekkksss – not one of my strongest personal qualities…if you think I don’t like you, I probably don’t…if you think I don’t give you the time of day, I probably don’t…why – its just me protecting myself…I don’t want and I don’t need people in my world that evoke the emotions in me like when I heard ‘pizza face’ or ‘I’ll never marry you cause I don’t want a fat wife’…I don’t have time for them…I keep things to myself at most times…not stirring the pot…but ask me a question – you will get the answer…I’m too old to protect feelings…the only thing I have energy to protect now a days are my own feelings…see I hid my feelings forever…now they need greater protection, cause they’re becoming public…

do you feel attractive…i bet the first thing that came to your mind was your physical appearance…your body type, your pant size, your boob size and your skin type…now as you’re coming to the end of my rant, i hope you’re thinking a little differently about your own attractiveness including your character, your beliefs, your values and your morals defining who you are and not the magazine covers, your social media news feed or your favourite reality shows…

this is what i see in my mirror…what do you see…

my futures so bright, i always wear shades...

Advertisements

One thought on “do you feel attractive…

  1. I used to have a NextIssue subscription and skimmed an online issue of Chatelaine. Nearly made me barf. Just horrible. The brainwashing that still goes on about appearance is hideous and intolerable. Yes, women naturally want to feel beautiful, but exploiting that desire in order to sell products is a type of sleaziness that needs to be discontinued.

    But the photo at the top of your page stole my attention for a while. Newfoundland just looks so lovely every time I see a pic of it. If I were of independent means I’d spend May to Septemer there and maybe go somewhere warmer for the winter. Not only the scenery, but the people would be well worth it.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s